


Rufus Reminisces

by Kitsune_queen, MorgannaSaphireRaven



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Betrayal, Character Death, Family, Love, Loyalty, M/M, Trust
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-05-02 10:28:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19196995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_queen/pseuds/Kitsune_queen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorgannaSaphireRaven/pseuds/MorgannaSaphireRaven
Summary: These are One-Shot collaborations from Rufus POV of his and Tseng relationship





	1. I am Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kitsune_queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsune_queen/gifts).



I know for many of you who choose to read this, will say; This is not Rufus Shinra! This is not the man who took over Shin-ra Electric Power, as President and tried to continue to form the world into his own. But it has been many years since I was that man. And there have been many bitter lessons that I have been forced to learn. Painful they may have been, but they opened my eyes. I have learned and grown; I have changed! And yet there was still darkness inside of me. I continued to hurt the one I loved the most. The day I realized this, I ran away!

It has now been three days since I returned home; and here I am, sitting in a chair in my room... our room, watching my lover sleep. He is my Heart, my All! And yet I walked from him, from us. I couldn't even tell you how long I've been gone for. The days, weeks and months have blurred together. Becoming a bleak numbness inside of me. I wandered listlessly through the towns of our world. I spent time hiding in mountain cabins, staring at wondrous scenery that I wished I could share but was unable to. I hid from those who knew me. Often disguising my appearance. There was so much shame inside of me and I couldn't bear that burden.

I hadn't been able to accept and believe that he truly loved me. And so I would play these little games. I'd leave pictures of me and past lovers lying around for him to find, just to get a reaction from him. I would berate him for making new friends and spending time with them, during those times when I wasn't home. Always making it seem like there was more going on. We were married but had done so in secret. And that too began to play on my mind. Like I wasn't good enough to be open about. That what we shared was something shameful and needed to be hidden. So, like the spoiled child, I once was, I would lash out.

The last time I badgered him for making other friends. I implied that he couldn't be faithful. That he didn't love me. He looked at me without flinching and said he had only made a new friend because he had been lonely. That he loved me and only me. But I had remained cold and distant. I selfishly tried to punish him for being human. Some time had passed and I was through my suck fit. We were having dinner together and I playfully suggested how we could spend the evening. As he looked at me, I saw his expression before he hid it behind the facade of a TURK. He was crushed, there had been a look of defeat and resignation upon it. And then that slight tick under his left eye. And that look drove a knife through my heart because I knew I was the cause of it. I asked him what was wrong. But he just replied with. "Nothing Sir. I just have a lot of work to do." And with that, he got up from the table and left.

That night, as I sat in this very chair. I thought of just how much time he had been spending at Shin-ra. And how many nights he had stayed in his suite there. Staring out into the back garden. I came to two painful realizations. The first! I was the one who didn't deserve him. I had been the one who was constantly leaving on one trip or another; leaving him and our daughter by themselves for long periods. The second was. This was the example I was setting for our daughter, Liz. That it was normal to treat your partner poorly. I knew how badly it would end for the person who did treat her this way or she would end up a very lonely person. So I took off my wedding band, knowing I hadn't even gotten him one yet, and I put it on a chain that I wore. I no longer felt I was worthy of the promise we had made to each other. And without leaving a note or backward glance I walked out of the house.

Tseng; Director and leader of the TURKS. And the one constant in my life! He, at first, he was assigned to me as a personal tutor of sorts. He was to prepare me for the role I had been born to; To become President of my father's company, Shin-ra Electric Power Company.

We were both young at the time. I was barely an adolescent. He was a young man. Serious, almost to a fault, but he performed his duty assigned to him at that time. He taught me how to defend myself; how to use a gun; how to perceive danger; how to read people; how to guard and mask my emotions and so forth. Skills, my father thought necessary.

There where other things Tseng had taught me. Silly things that neither of us expected; like how to waltz. Yes, Tseng was the one who was my dance partner when my father felt I need to know how to properly dance... But I regress. Tseng also saw to me being properly homeschooled, as my father didn't feel it would be appropriate to attend the local school.

Over those next few years he had become my friend and confidant. Even though he seems distant and aloof and more often than not, I acted the spoiled child; he was the one person I could depend on. He was also the person who was there for me when my mother passed away.

The day I was told she had died, was also the day my father enrolled me into the military school and Tseng was reassigned to other and priorities. I was only fourteen but I was the president's son and therefore accorded the respect due to a person of my position. I will confess now though; it was the most lonely period of my life I no longer saw the one person whom I had come to call a friend and I no longer had the one person who loved me unconditionally, my mother!

The other people who attended the academy. would either keep their distance or try and curry my favor. Real friendships never occurred. I couldn't trust people and their intentions. This is when I truly learned how to mask my emotions and ambitions. I also learned how to manipulate people to my ends. To use their desire for my acquaintance with me for my benefit. How to ferret out their deepest fears and use them against them. I also learned how to create the illusion of things; hiding my true self behind a mask of cool indifference. It was during this time when I truly became a bitter and angry young man.

I had been raised to view people as nothing more than sheep. Mindless beings that needed to be lead and my father was the shepherd who herded the flock. And in many ways that is how he treated me and my brother. 'Yes I had learned of Lazard. I learned some of his stories; even though I never confronted him on it.' We where puppets to dance to his tune.

In his eyes, I wasn't Rufus. I was only his heir! I didn't have any identity, apart from that. Hell most of the time I didn't even exist, unless it suited his purpose. And I hated him for that. It seemed that I would never be good enough for him. That I too was substandard. And because of that, I became even more resentful and I hated him. So I made plans to eliminate him.

I began manipulating people and events to that end. Staying in the background but ensuring that those who had chosen to fight at that time; had the tools and information they needed to achieve their goals. To bring down Shin-ra and it's President. And then, when all was in ruin I planned to step in and rebuild the company in my vision out of the ashes that were left. But that was not to be.

At the age of eighteen having completed schooling at the military academy; Far different from those who wanted to join the military or any of its branches like SOLDIER or the TURKS. I received a more academic education; I returned home.

The conflict with Wutai had escalated into all-out war. The new SOLDIER program had been installed and its three top members were out on the battlefront but Midgar carried on like it was just another day. That was when my father through a ball in my honor and named me Vice-President, a position that was only paid lip service too. It was also when I got to reconnect with Tseng. But time changes things, he wasn't the same person that had befriended me all those years ago but then again I was no longer that child; I became aware of the growing attraction I had for him.

The next few years pass. I took a more active role within the company; which allowed me the opportunity to further my plans in regards to ridding the world of my father. I created a persona of myself; cool, aloof and distant, the perfect businessman, is what the public saw. I shrouded my personal life as non-existent. But there was always that desire to be with him, however slight. I had tried many times to entice him to my bed but the Gods, fate or destiny seem to take perverse pleasure at keeping us at arm's length.

But then it happened. Shortly after I had turned twenty-four; events conspired to throw us together. He and his TURKS kidnapped me. But Tseng didn't tell me the truth about it. He had said that this was being done for my protection and I believed him. He had always been honest with me. It was during this time when we first came together. And even though I was drunk; It was the most amazing experience of my life. But that bubble was quickly burst when my father came to 'rescue me'. I learned of the real reasons why I had been kidnapped and I felt betrayed. But what was worst, was that my father had found out about what I had been doing. Funding the very organization that was trying to take down Shin-ra.

I had been found out, arrested and brought before my father. I was taken to his office, in handcuffs. And even though I was angry and humiliated, I let none of it show! There were only Tseng and himself in his office that day and I truly thought he would have had me executed for my treason, there was still a standing order for my brother Lazards' arrest. I also knew that he was going to execute the TURKS for their involvement in the events that had played out with AVALANCHE. At that moment, even though I was angry as hell with Tseng, I couldn't stand the thought of him be killed either. So in anger, I yelled at him to prove his loyalty to the company by executing the true traitors, Vled and his daughter, himself. He looked me right in the eyes and nodded. Moments later; the two were brought in. And it was carried out in my father's office. Funny, that was the day I earned my fathers respect. He now saw me as being capable of running the company. That I was capable of going to any length to ensure that I and the Company, stayed in that position of power. And even though I already had the potion; My father officially promoted me to Vice-President. But he wasn't going to let me go unpunished either. He had me placed under house arrest.

I was to be confined to the Shin-ra penthouse suite in Junon indefinitely; a gilded cage. Tseng was to escort me there and ensure that I was put under proper security. I almost laughed in the old man's face but managed to control myself. I discreetly glanced at Tseng, wondering if I had dreamed that night we had spent together but he just stood there, a human statue.

As Tseng escorted me out of the office that day, I noticed that he refused to look me in the eye but there was this slight tick under his left eye. I wanted to confront him on everything. I wanted to scream and yell at him for what he did. I also wanted to take him into my arms and tell him I was sorry for what I had made him do. But I didn't do either, I just calmly walk to where the helicopter stood ready to take me to Junon.

The Helo ride from Midgar to Junon was done in silence. He was now, in essence, my father's man; as he was now Head of the TURKS. I had become so distrustful of anything associated with my father, that I no longer saw the man who had befriended me but as an obstacle. Looking at the calm serenity on his face though, I was reminded of the person who had been my friend and I wanted to reach out to that person but I didn't know what to say and I was too afraid that he was truly on my father's side. So I held my counsel.

The walk from the Helo pad in Junon to the suite almost felt like the last walk. I was to be hidden away and forgotten. But even though I was emotionally in turmoil I still let none of it show.

Upon entering the suite Tseng dismissed the Infantryman who was also a part of the escort. He closed and locked the door to the suite. He then came and took the handcuffs off.

As I was massaging my wrist, trying to get blood flow back into my hands, he finally spoke.

"You will be guarded around the clock. There are guards stationed at different points to ensure that you will not be able to leave. You will be allowed to invite a certain number of friends, if you wish, to visit, Be warned though, they will undergo a full search before being allowed to enter the suite. If there are any additional items you would like or need you can make a list and leave it with the housekeeper; who will be allowed to bring it the following day."

His voice never gave into emotion, as my fathers had. He just simply stated what was going to be allowed and what wasn't.

He then turned and headed to the door. Before he left though; he did turn and look at me and once again a strange expression on his face, but he didn't say a word, just turned and walked out the door and the sound of the locking system being engaged was like a gunshot through my head and I think I lost my mind.

At first he and members of his team would stay with me to 'keep me company'. But our world was falling into chaos and their service was to Shin-ra and my father. So all too soon they stopped coming.

I drank a lot. And because I was unable to leave the suite, even under guard, I had 'friends' over constantly. Knowing I was under some sort of surveillance; I made sure they got a show. Men, women, singly or in pairs. It didn't matter! I took what I wanted; how I wanted and when I wanted.

I thought to anger my father; to try and get a reaction from him. Try to get him to acknowledge me. But it never happened.

Tseng would still come, from time to time, to the suite and inquire to my welfare. He was always polite, but still so distant. And my pride refused to allow me to be anything more than civil towards him. He would occasionally talk to me, telling me of the events that were occurring outside but never did either of us bring up the night we had spent together, so perversely these visits only angered me all the more.

As the days turned into weeks; my father was letting the world go to hell and was only concerned about maintaining his lifestyle and keeping his hands clean. My father was a weak fool who was going to be the reason why this world was going to end up being destroyed.

Then one night, so lost in hate and anger, I went on an almost terrifying binge. Not only did I get drunk, but I indulged in what we call maiden's lace. A drug that is made from the flower Maiden's Hope. The euphoria it induces is like nothing you can experience. And that night, with two other lovers, we had a sexual experience that bordered on violence. I think I had been trying to end my own life.

I never allowed my lovers to stay the night. That crossed the boundaries I had established. Sleeping with someone was personal. I was not going to let anyone have that privilege! So that morning, when Tseng entered my bedroom and opened the curtains, letting the morning light flood the room and my eyes, I was alone in the bed.

Groaning in pain, sick from the overindulgence, I laid there almost helpless. Tseng was standing there looking at me, waiting for me to acknowledge him but I couldn't.

I could see the sadness in his eyes and the disappointment. And for some reason that I couldn't fathom; that hurt me more then my fathers lack interest in me ever did but I locked down that emotion. I wasn't going to let Tseng know how badly I still hurt over his rejection.

Shaking his head, he walks over to the night table and proceeds to dump what was left of the Maiden's Lace into the waste can. He then speaks to me. His voice calm, quiet but there were underlying pain and sadness to it.

"Young Sir, if I ever hear of you partaking of this drug. I will, for your good, lock you somewhere, where no one can find you! Things are not good and you need to be ready for what is coming. Being intoxicated all the time is not going to help you in this matter."

Standing there at the edge of my bed, looking solemnly at me; that tick under his left eye was visible.

"Rufus please, stop doing this to yourself. The time, I believe, is coming very quickly when we are going to need you!" And then he just turned and left. I laid there wondering if I had just imagined the conversation or did Tseng just plead with me to stop this self-destructive path I had set myself on?

The rest of the day I spent either being sick or sleeping. The troubles of our world seemed distant and far away as I struggled with the troubles in my heart and my head. By late that afternoon, I started to feel more like myself. So I had gotten up and showered and changed into a clean pair of slacks, leaving my feet and chest bare. Making myself something to eat and poured a strong cup of coffee; I sat down and turned on the T.V.; something I rarely did And was assaulted with images of the plate in sector seven falling onto the slums below.

Staring numbly at that T.V. Screen trying to get a grip on what I was seeing. The news reporter could be heard saying that this was a terrorist attack by the Anti Shin-ra group known as Avalanche! I sat there horrified. Hundreds of people where dead.

I heard the click of the lock, the door opening, and closing and then locking again. Turning I saw that is was Tseng who had entered. He just stood there. Staring blankly, his skin tone looked ashen, his eyes held a haunted look.

"Tseng?" I had called to him softly.

He looked at me, his eyes refocusing, tears were forming. "Oh God, what have we done?" He pleaded with me.

At that moment, the man who was a TURK became just the man, Tseng. And I knew then that I had never lost the person who had been my friend and mentor and dare I say it? My lover. He had been there the whole time, buried underneath the façade that Tseng had created for himself.

I couldn't help myself. I walked forward and took him into my arms and held him. Showing him that there was a haven where he could be the man Tseng and morn. He didn't sob, or cry brokenly. He just let the tears pour from him as his body shuddered; his breathing broken somewhat. This man was in extreme pain. As I held him, I realized I was not so removed from my own emotions.

I asked him what had happened and he told me. All of it, the whole truth. He started by recounting the events that lead to the death of Zack Fair and, what they believed at the time, the death of an Infantry solder named Cloud Strife. What Avalanche had done by bombing the reactors. And what my father had ordered to be done to try and crush the group. And what he had been ordered to do.

It was obvious to me that things where too out of hand. My father and Avalanche both had to be stopped. But all I could do that day was hold him and try to comfort him.

As the storm of emotion started to subside in Tseng and he was able to pull himself back together; he took a step away from me. And looked at me. I can laugh now because I know why he had looked at me oddly at times, but back then I didn't know the reason for that odd look that crossed his face and the slight tick that happened under his left eye.

He stared at me. His eyes widened a little and his mouth parted as he quietly exclaimed "Oh!" And then he blushed. Yes Tseng, Head TURK and a man who was my senior by a few years. The same man who had made love to me so completely blushed. It was the most adorable thing I had witnessed. I'm still not sure what happened but the next thing I knew he was in my arms and we were kissing each other passionately.

That night we shared something that bound us together in ways I never thought possible. He taught me not only how to love but how to be loved. That night we fell in love with each other but it would be a few more years and many more trials before we would be able to admit to ourselves or each other just how we truly felt.


	2. A Private Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rufus reflects on the time he and Tseng where still exploring their feelings for each other

The dinner party and movie night had gone very well; even if things did seem to feel a little strained between him and his adopted daughter. But he guessed that was to be expected; she was a young adult now and he had been gone for some time but it still bothered him a little that they weren't as close as the used to be. He quietly sipped his drink as he stood on the patio outside their bedroom, looking out into the garden. Tseng lay sleeping in their bed and it was a testimony to how tired he was that he didn't wake up when Rufus had got out of bed, But it also showed that Tseng felt secure enough to let himself fall that deeply into sleep. Looking back at his lover, he smiles and started to remember the time when their relationship went from casual gratification, or Rufus had thought it was at that time, to a deep and mutual love for each other.

Tseng enters the office through private access. Quietly coding the lock, to ensure that there would be no interruptions. Music played faintly in the background. Looking over at the reclining set of chairs that faced the Bay windows; Tseng sees Rufus sprawled in one of them, sleeping. A partially drank glass of wine is set on the table beside him. Tseng smiles, It wasn't often that he got to see Rufus without the Mask of the Presidency. So he just stood there for a moment and watched him sleep.

None truly knew, though many suspected, to the reality of the personal relationship that Rufus and Tseng now shared. Neither being ashamed of it, but both felt that it was something that they didn't need to be public about it either. It had been some time since either of them had had the free time to be with each other and Tseng was unwilling to let tonight slip into the mists of time.

Going over to the chair, he kneels on the floor beside it. Thoughts and feelings arise out of the center of his being. How much he had come to care for this man. His desire to help lift some of the burdens from his shoulders. His yearning to be able to support him as a partner. To have the ability to make him smile. Protectiveness of the true person who existed behind the strong facade. All of these emotions welled up inside of him. He could no longer deny the truth. He was in love with Rufus. But doubt always held these words behind his teeth. Tseng, not positive of Rufus feelings, was loath to let his heart become any more involved than it already was. Gently he brushes the hair back, that had fallen across Rufus' face.

Just the soft gesture was enough to wake Rufus but he was not startled. There was only one person who would dare touch him so intimately; Tseng! Smiling to himself he lets caress continue. This was the only person in the entire world that Rufus had ever been able, to be honest, and open with! But it had taken him a very long time to acknowledge the real feelings he had for this man. There had always seemed to be one excuse or another that Rufus had found to keep the barrier of distance between them. But that period when he had developed Geo-stigma and the un-surety of his continued existence had made him see just how foolish he had been. Having been healed of this plague, and knowing that Tseng had come to close to death, not once but twice. strengthened his resolve to not let this slip through his fingers.

The time during the Rebuilding of Shin-ra and Midgar is when he had allowed himself to show Tseng some of what was in his heart. And was surprised and greatly pleased that is was indeed mutual. So these last few years they took the time to truly get to know each other and to discover the delights experienced in the sharing.

Opening his eyes and seeing the calm serenity of Tseng's face, his face alights in a genuine smile. "Hello, I was wondering if you might show up tonight!" Taking hold of Tseng's hand; he brings it to his mouth and kisses it.

Tseng closes his eyes and replies, his voice deep with emotion. "I had hoped you would be completely free this evening."

"I am. And I have left orders to not be disturbed so no one will bother us!" Knowing now was the time to let the last of the barriers down. Rufus holds Tseng face in is hand. Urging him to look at him. As Rufus looks deep into Tengs eyes he takes a deep breath and leans forward; engaging him in a passionate kiss. Letting all of his feelings for his show.

Momentarily startled Tseng returns the kiss, his own emotions raw and so close to the surface. Rufus taking advantage of this places his hand on the back of Tseng's head and deepens the kiss. Time seemed to suspend itself and after a moment they parted.

"Tseng I have held this to myself for so long I don't know if you'll even believe me when I say this but; I love you! More than that I am in love with you!" The long pause started to make Rufus unsure of this admission. Holding his breath he waited for Tseng reply.

Hearing those words that he not only wanted to say but had wanted to hear from Rufus, had left Tseng of balance but as the words penetrated his mind; relief washed through him. Freeing the words he had longed to speak. "I seemed to have waited an eternity to hear those words from you! And I am so thankful to have done so; for I too am in love with you!"


	3. Our First Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For all that we have seen of the man who became President of Shin-Ra; there was much more to Rufus then we ever knew!

I woke up in the chilly morning; the sun had only started to rise, bathing the beach in a cool light. Tseng lay wrapped in my arms, the blankets wrapped firmly around him. His head buried in my chest. I smiled softly as I watched him. He looked so adorable as he slept, the mask of a TURK gone from his face. But I had to relieve himself. So I carefully untangled myself from my lover's arms and went over to a spot to take care of this pressing need.

I walked down to the water's edge to clean myself up a bit; the sand under my bare feet felt cold but was it soothing to walk on. Splashing my face with some water that was crisp and refreshing and did much for clearing out the cobwebs from my mind. Thus completed I walk back to where Tseng lay in the sand. He had managed to curl the blankets even tighter around himself so I had a task of trying to get myself back in under them without waking him. Once I had accomplished this and Tseng was once again in my embrace, we both start to warm up.

I smiled as the events of last nights 'date night' played through my mind. It wasn't often that we have been able to make time for ourselves and it was nice when we could. Our dinner had been very good and the time at the Night Club had been fun and relaxing; it was one of the few places we could go to and just be Rufus and Tseng! Thinking about how much we danced and how much we enjoyed it got me remembering the first time the danced.

Father was throwing a ball in my honor. My public promotion to Vice-President. What an honor it was to be! Officially I was being introduced to all of the executives; even though I already knew them and I was to be paraded in front of Midgar's elite like some prime Chocobo. To wine and dine the fair maidens that would be in attendance, in hopes of finding suitable wife material, as the Old Man would say. But being that it was a 'Ball'; I would have to learn how to Waltz. The thought made me cringe back then and was not something I had wanted to do or was going to do! But in the end I didn't have a choice; as it was Tseng who knocked on my door that day and proceeded to inform me that he would be my partner during these lessons. I almost lost my mind.

What in the world had my father been thinking when he had ordered Tseng to teach me how to Waltz, I didn't know but if the Old Man had known that I was, in general, mostly attracted to men and specifically very attracted to Tseng; father would have found someone else to be my partner for those lessons. So I had shut my mouth and acted the slightly arrogant, entitled highborn that everyone had thought me to be.

Sitting back in my chair, arms crossed and before Tseng could say anything. "Let me guess you are here to drag me to the stupid lesson my father is trying make me take?" I inquired softly, with a slightly smug look on my face.

Standing in the doorway; perfectly still, hands clasped in front of him, Tseng simply nodded. "I was ordered to be your learning partner by my Commander. Trust me, Sir, I don't want to do this anymore than you do."

I stared at him under slightly hooded eyes. Tseng was unreadable now. The stoic mask of a TURK slipped casually over his features. But at that moment I was picturing him laying on my bed; his beautiful long hair splayed across the pillow. His handsome face flushed with pleasure from the things that I wanted badly to experience with him.

Tseng raised an eyebrow as he waited for my reply and quietly comments. "Please, Sir just come down to the ballroom for the lesson. That way we can get this whole ordeal done and over with and we won't have to hear your father yell."

I smiled, a slight lifting of the corners of his mouth and nod. "Fine but only because you asked so nicely and I know if I skip out I will never hear the end of it from my father on how we wasted his money for a teacher." Standing up I adjust the immaculately white tailored suit I had taken to wearing and comb my fingers through my hair to tidy it a bit. In reality, I was posing for Tseng to see if I might get a reaction out of him. But nothing seemed to phase him. Drated man, he just stepped back and gestured for me to follow.

The thought of watching him walk through had made me flushing with pleasure. He reminded me of a large cat. Sleek and graceful; ready to strike at a moments notice. So I allowed him to proceed me to the ballroom as I took the opportunity to stare unobtrusively at him. And I let my mind roam, as I fantasied about the things I wanted to do with him. By the time we reached the ballroom, I was becoming flustered with pent up desire. But quickly got myself under control as I rationalized the likelihood of him ever wanting to be with me being slim to none.

The start of the lessons was somewhat awkward and a little painful; as the instructor, who looked like some rat face mutant that had crawled out of the slums; continually clipped out the numbers to the various steps, in a high nasal voice that grated on my nerves. Add to the fact, he would throw out veiled insults about Wutains which made Tseng clench his fist jarringly around my hand and waist. Strangely it causes a muscle under his left eye to twitched ever so slightly. Once he decided to play the music and let us dance though, it was like magic.

I couldn't help myself from commenting. "You are pretty good at this Tseng, even if you aren't from here. Seems you are almost a natural." Tseng looks down at me and gave me a very small, tight-lipped smile. "Thank you for the compliment, Sir. Veld has given me a few lessons here and there." I smiled back at him. Tseng had a nice smile even if it was a little bit strained.

"Tseng, do you care to take the lead for the next song?" I asked him. I was very curious as to how it would feel to let someone else be in control as I never allowed anyone that privilege. And to be honest with myself, feelings aside, I trusted no other like I trusted Tseng.

I remember watching his features, as his smile went from being strained to almost relaxed. And how my heart actually lurched at seeing this. "If you don't mind me leading you Sir, then sure. I would be honored" His voice was deep but smooth and sent chills down my spine. A soft smile on my own face, I nodded and a little too huskily I replied. "I don't mind at all."

As the song ended, we shifted our hands to change the dance positions and I let Tseng lead me in the next dance. The whole world faded away and time lost all meaning, as we glided across the floor in time to the music. He looked so adorable, his face screwed up in concentration. My mouth went dry and my cheeks flushed with desire. It was all I could do to maintain the proper distance between us; my already aroused body craving close contact with his, that would have ultimately ended up embarrassing both of us. So I contented myself with just the feel of my hands clasped in his.

All too soon the song ended and I jumped guiltily, as my father started clapping. How long had he been watching, I didn't know; I only prayed he saw that I was being dutiful by attending this lesson. My father and Veld were standing off to the side, smiling. Both seemed to be impressed and satisfied with what they saw.

Father, in his overbearing voice and fake smile; "Very good Rufus! You will make a fine example at this ball! Thank-you Tseng for being available for this."

Looking over at Rat Face my father addressed him. "Thank you for your services. Your stipend is on the table by the door!"

The instructor obviously didn't know my father, as he didn't realize this was his way of dismissal. Rat Face nodded and snorted in contempt. "Your son is a good student and his partner, although unconventional, is also not bad for a heathen!"

Still standing beside Tseng, I watched the hair on the Turk's neck stand up, much like an annoyed cat's would and his right-hand shift slightly towards where I knew his gun was holstered. But he calmed as Veld spoke, in his calm and professional voice. "There is no need to insult anyone. Both did very well in their lesson."

The Rat Man scoffed. "President Shinra if we are done here I will take my leave."

My fathers' eyes narrowed slightly at having his previous statement ignored; nodded curtly at the instructor. "Yes, I think we are all set here! "

Turning his attention towards me. "Rufus I expect you the keep practicing every day till the night of the party!"

Maintaining my own facade of the 'spoiled, rich boy' I scowled and replied, "Yes father!" Sounding annoyed but secretly hoping he would allow Tseng to continue being my partner.

Veld had placed his hand on Tseng's shoulder "It is alright Tseng. I am proud of you for keeping calm! A TURK needs to recognize when further action is needed or warranted. I am sure it was not easy to remain calm when you are spoken of in that matter." Sadly, with the conflict with Wutai many citizens, who now or had always resided in Midgar, seemed to receive more then usual prejudiced and Tseng was no exception, even though he was a TURK and loyal to Shin-Ra.

As I was heading for the door, for whatever reason, that day my prayers were answered when Veld asked Tseng; "Do you wish to keep helping Rufus practice?"

In his quiet demeanor, he replied. "Only if that is what the Vice President wishes?" I stopped and turned around. Tseng was looking at me and I noticed that twitch under his left eye, although this time, it was my faint and his facial features had softened somewhat. My heart melted.

"I would enjoy that very much! But only if you can spare him Veld" I replied, a little too calmly.

Veld smiled. "I think I can manage that."

I watched Tseng and Veld leave. I hoped I would get to dance with him for real at the party and make every woman jealous that I could get a smile, even if it was a small one, out of the beautiful older man. But knowing my father. He probably had every song lined up with potential candidates.

I sighed, strictly to myself as I nodded to my father. A wave of deep burning anger towards this man resided in the pit of my stomach and resentment for his mechanics he employed to control people, myself included. But I maintained a cool facade as I exited the room and went to further my own ambitions during that time.

The memory of that day begun to fade as sleep once again overtook me. Lying in the comforting, secure embrace of the man who not only stole but won my heart.


	4. The Day My Mother Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even though Rufus is now an adult, married and two children; The memories of losing his mother are still fresh in his mind!

It's a quiet Spring morning and I'm sitting in the Gazebo having a cup of coffee; watching my son, Devon as he crawls towards one of the flower beds. Dark Nation is laying down on the ground, watching him attentively and near enough to corral him if he gets too far. Tsengs' Cat Julius, is curled up in a patch of sunlight near my feet.

Watching him explore his environments brings a soft smile to my face. He has grown so much in these last few months. Pretty soon he'll begin to walk and talk and... I sigh as I realize just how quickly time does fly but I cherish the moments I have with him; as I remember how short that time was between my mother and me.

Evelyn Shin-Ra! She was beautiful! Long, wheat-colored Blonde hair. Blue eyes, only slightly lighter than mine. Delicate facial features and a soft, quiet voice. As a young child; she was my world.

When father wasn't around, I remember she doted on me but any time, as per father's rules, when he was home; she maintained the level of strict structure and discipline expected of a Shinra! Looking back, I realize how much she came to resent my father. I guess, I too had come to resent the time when he was there too.

As I got older; my mother would take me to the Chocobo farm and teach me how to ride the large birds. At first, I wouldn't go near them but her patient coaxing soon had me in the saddle and loving the freedom this activity gave us.

It was shortly after our first few trips; that father had ordered Tseng to be my bodyguard. It was also his duty to escort my mother on those times she went riding by herself.

Shortly after I turned fourteen though, the world I lived in lost all of its color! My mother had died, And a very large part of me died with her!

They had been fighting that night; something that had become all too frequent when father was home. Though tonight was different. Normally they would wait until after I had gone to bed before they started and up until then it was like living in Glacier mountain but this time things started to escalate right at the dinner table! The tension was so palatable, you could cut it with a knife! I remember sitting there eating my dinner as quick as I could so that I could properly excuse myself and go to my room.

Later, after I hadn't gotten into bed; I could hear their raised voices down the hall, even though I couldn't make out what was being said. Then the door slammed and all was quiet. I laid awake all night wondering what, if anything I should do... Ultimately I did nothing but a fit of anger started to build inside of me!

That morning, at breakfast, my father informed me that my mother was going to be spending some time with her family and that he didn't know when she would be back! I opened my mouth to ask one of the many questions running through my mind but the look he gave me made the words die before I even uttered a sound and kept me silent for the rest of the meal.  
Head down and obedient, I ate my breakfast; excused myself, saying I to finish the lessons I had been working on. I never had felt so alone as even Tseng wasn't at the mansion. I had no one to confide in.

A few days later, I was called to Shin-Ra tower and my fathers' office.

When I arrived, I was escorted to my father by Tseng, which I found strange as I knew how to get to my father's office but I said nothing.

Upon entering the office, I noticed all of his executives and Vled were all there; wearing expressions of sympathy and sorrow. My heart plummeted. Something was wrong and my mind spinning at all of the possible scenarios but no one uttered a word to me.

So standing before the massive desk, I waited respectfully for my father to address me. After a moment he looked me straight in the eyes and calmly stated. "Rufus, your mother has been found dead!"

Words failed me, I couldn't believe what I just heard. So I stood there staring back at him! That was it! No 'I'm sorry'; no expression or emotion; no plans for a funeral... Just 'She's dead!' I simply nodded.

At that moment a cold bitterness, for this man, seeped into the core of my being and I realized how much I hated him! I knew my father well enough to know he would give the order to his TURKS, probably Vled, to eliminate her! The fight that they had; her leaving and how my father reacted the next day; would have been more than enough reason, for him, to do so and rid himself of the embarrassment! I was sickened by this brutal reality but I was only a boy and to show emotion or question my father would have resulted in not only a verbal assault on my character but also a backhand across my face for showing disrespect, so I stayed quiet and waited!

I couldn't stand being in the same space with him anymore but before he dismissed me, he dropped the second bombshell. "In the morning; you will be transferred to the military academy to continue to further your education!"... I just kept my face as expressionless as I could and nodded; my father, in essence, was washing is hands of me and the anger I felt blossomed into a raging inferno as I held back the tears for the loss of the one person I truly loved. The tears for my Mother!

As I turned to leave, my father ordered Tseng to escort me back to the mansion and help me pack. He nodded briskly and replied with "Yes, Sir!" and followed me out of the office into the elevator.

The ride down was silent, as I knew there was surveillance in the elevator cars and I refused to give the Old Man any satisfaction by breaking down. Did he want a carbon copy of himself? Then that was what I was going to give him! But from then on, it was going to be on my terms!

We rode back to the mansion in one of the company cars and as soon as we arrive I ran into the house and straight to my room before I disgraced myself and started crying in front of Tseng, the driver or any of the staff.

A few moments later I felt the mattress shift as the weight of someone sat down beside me but I was too wrapped up in my anger and sorrow to do anything about it. Then I felt a hand rubbing my back. I tensed briefly till I heard Tseng quietly ask if I wanted him to stop. I shook my head as he was the only person I had left that I could trust without censor.

After a time, I got myself calmed down and he got me some water. I remembered him singing a song to himself. It was in Wutain, so I didn't know what the words meant but anytime time I heard him sing it I would feel calm. I don't know why but I can honestly say that I didn't feel much like a fourteen-year-old on the cusp of manhood; I felt closer to a four-year-old child lost and adrift in a terrifying world and in that moment he was my rock... I climbed onto his lap, seeking comfort, safety, friendship, acceptance, solace... I don't know and after a moment he held me as I asked him if he would sing me that song. He chuckled by obliged me.

" Rénshēng jì yīshì, fāng xǐng chūn yǐ mù. Sì shí gèng biànhuà, suìyuè yī hé sù Yì rú chánghé xīng, sī rú míngyuè xuán. Sùshǒu zhuó qīngsī, zhī chéng shuāng luóxuán Shuí néng wéi cǐ qū, zhuǎnzhóu fù xiāngsī. Bō xián shēng shēng màn, chóuchú yù yǔ chí. Fāng huá zhǐ chànà, cánxiāng kòngyú zhī. Dī méi xìnshǒu dàn, shuō jìnxīn zhōng shì"

His voice was soft and low as he sang and it comforted me. For a moment I forgot that I was Shinra and was not to not show emotion or become attached or the hundred and one 'Rules' my father expected me to live by; that I was just a young boy who has lost his mother, And as Tseng sang, I drifted off to sleep, knowing that for now, I was safe.

I woke up the next morning my eyes gritty and my mind foggy and I was still in the clothes I had on the day before. I got up to start my morning ritual when my gaze landed on the luggage, packed and waiting by my door and reality came crashing down around me. I nodded though, remembering the promise I had made to be my fathers' son on my terms. So hardening my heart and erecting a fortress around myself, I step into my new life as my new self.

Forty-something years old and that pain never left me, as I feel the sting of tears and try to blink them away. I still miss her and desperately wish she could be here to see her grandson playing in the grass. But I thank God Tseng had been there for me that day because I know things would have turned out a lot differently if he hadn't been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 【相楽夜】 紡歌 Chinese Ver (つむぎ唄) を 歌ってみた English Translation
> 
> Title: Fang Bai / Tsumugi Uta / Spinning Song Music: DATEKEN Cover: Sagara Yoru Illustration: AYAKI Lyrics: Yuinu
> 
> inochi wa toki no naka wo  
> nagare nagarete  
> tokoshie no kiroku wo  
> futae no rasen ni tsumugi yuku
> 
> Life cuts across time  
> And while becoming calm,  
> Cuts eternity's records  
> Into two overlapping spirals and dies
> 
> watashi wa kono uta wo  
> utai katarite  
> setsuna no kioku wo  
> hito no kokoro ni kizami yuku
> 
> I'll recite  
> This song  
> And carve a moment's memory  
> Into people's hearts
> 
> al a re laye  
> al a re layo  
> al a re laya  
> al a reya...  
> [2x]
> 
> al a re laye  
> al a re layo  
> al a re laya  
> al a reya...  
> [2x]
> 
> inochi wa toki no naka wo  
> nagare nagarete  
> tokoshie no kiroku wo  
> futae no rasen ni tsumugi yuku
> 
> Life cuts across time  
> And while becoming calm,  
> Cuts eternity's records  
> Into two overlapping spirals and dies
> 
> watashi wa kono uta wo  
> utai katarite  
> setsuna no kioku wo  
> hito no kokoro ni kizami yuku
> 
> I'll recite  
> This song  
> And carve a moment's memory  
> Into people's hearts
> 
> arare raie  
> arare raiyo  
> arare raiya  
> arareiya  
> [4x]
> 
> arare raie  
> arare raiyo  
> arare raiya  
> arareiya  
> [4x]
> 
> al a re laye  
> al a re layo  
> al a re laya  
> al a reya...  
> [2x]
> 
> al a re laye  
> al a re layo  
> al a re laya  
> al a reya...  
> [2x]
> 
> Tseng, being Wutain, this is the song that was chosen for this chapter. We both hope you enjoy. Thought, comments, and opinions are always welcome
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T83Y4uLkyJ8&list=FLpT9G2gP2CLePlA8b7YI0qQ&index=6&t=0s (link to the song)

**Author's Note:**

> I have always had a great fondness for the TURKS and threw the years as the story of Final Fantasy VII developed and grew; So too did me endearment for Rufus and  
> Tseng! Even though their circumstances demanded them to be cold and distant; they both are human with feelings, wants desires and needs. In my mind, The tragedies that they faced and endued has brought them together as friends, partners, and lovers! I will be compiling a series of shorts, as they come to mind, of events that have unfolded, from Rufus Shinra point of view.


End file.
